Sunday, July 24, 2011

Positive thinking??

I have always been the type of person who constantly looks for the positive outcome in any situation, the person who never loses hope. In a way this has really helped me through the rough flares in RA, but I am wondering if I may have been slightly delusional about my entire outlook on my situation.

My positive thinking mind assumed that one day, this will all just go away. No more pain. No more inflammation. No more stiffness. No more RA. I had it in my mind that this, too, would pass, just like any illness I have had. I outgrew my asthma, and I guess I was thinking I would eventually outgrow RA, too. Well, it seems like my perception on this is slightly off.

I've had RA for close to 9 years now. I've had moments of remission where I was convinced that I would never again see or experience the pain, inflammation and stiffness(as well as other symptoms of RA) ever again. But like my mother used to tell me 'Never say Never', I should have listened!

I am beginning to see that no matter how much positive thoughts or hope I put into my RA, it is coming back, and getting worse each time. This year is by far the worst year I have ever experienced in terms of pain, although this year has also had a lot of stress due to the loss of my father, a serious issue in my relationship earlier in the year and family issues. So stress plays a role. I know that, and you probably do, too.

Even though there is a quiet voice in my head that reassures me that everything will be okay and work out exactly as it is supposed to...I can't help but hear the other one that says the pain will not go away. Even if it does, I know it will be back at some point. It always does.

1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry to hear you are having that flare from he...
    I can only wish for you that this gets better, that this too will pass for you. Please don't ever give up your hope that you will once again have a remission. It can and it does happen. And yes, you may have cycles with your ra but do know that with that roller coaster ride, we do get days that are better than others.