Positive thinking??

I have always been the type of person who constantly looks for the positive outcome in any situation, the person who never loses hope. In a way this has really helped me through the rough flares in RA, but I am wondering if I may have been slightly delusional about my entire outlook on my situation.

My positive thinking mind assumed that one day, this will all just go away. No more pain. No more inflammation. No more stiffness. No more RA. I had it in my mind that this, too, would pass, just like any illness I have had. I outgrew my asthma, and I guess I was thinking I would eventually outgrow RA, too. Well, it seems like my perception on this is slightly off.

I've had RA for close to 9 years now. I've had moments of remission where I was convinced that I would never again see or experience the pain, inflammation and stiffness(as well as other symptoms of RA) ever again. But like my mother used to tell me 'Never say Never'...wow, I should have listened!

I am beginning to see that no matter how much positive thoughts or hope I put into my RA, it is coming back, and getting worse each time. This year is by far the worst year I have ever experienced in terms of pain, although this year has also had a lot of stress due to the loss of my father, a serious issue in my relationship earlier in the year and family issues. So stress plays a role. I know that, and you probably do, too.

Even though there is a quiet voice in my head that reassures me that everything will be okay and work out exactly as it is supposed to...I can't help but hear the other one that says the pain will not go away. Even if it does, I know it will be back at some point. It always does.

One Day Left...

Good evening! I hope everyone is enjoying their week thus far. I read an interesting article in a magazine today(I don't remember the name of the magazine). It was about doing what you want to do and living life to it's fullest. A doctor conducted a workshop to help people determine what they want to do with their lives. She first asked the students what they would do if they had one year left to live.They answered that they would eat whatever they wanted, travel to places they have never been, never hold back, ect.

What would you do if you had one year left to live? I would go sky diving, try as many chocolate dishes as I could, go deep sea diving, travel the world and be with my family and friends.

After the students had written down what they would do with a year left to live, the doctor asked them to think about what they would do if they had six months left to live. If you had six months left to live, what would you do with the time remaining? I would spend time cooking the things I have never cooked but always wanted to try, sing karaoke with my friends and family, dance until my feet were sore and not care about how silly I looked while I did it, read the books I love and spend time helping others.

After brainstorming what they would do with six months left to live, the doctor asked them to brainstorm what they would do with one month left to live. What would you do with one month? I would make sure my boyfriend knew how much I love him and how thankful I am for everything he has done, I would apologize to all the people I have ever hurt, spend as much time as I could laughing and making others laugh, write a book and dance no matter how silly I looked.

Now, what would you do if you have a week left to live? With one week, I would honestly probably feel pretty depressed about having to leave my boyfriend and cat behind but would try very hard to enjoy the time I had left. I would be sure my boyfriend knew that no one else has ever influenced my life so greatly, and I that I want him to be happy, I would be sure my cat had everything she would need as well, and spend as much time as I possibly could with friends, family and animals. I would dance, and laugh, try to live as stress-free as I possibly could and go camping. I love camping, but never get to do it. There's nothing better then sitting around a camp fire roasting marshmallows and making smores with the people you love. I would sing around that fire, and share stories and memories from the past.

One day left to live: What would you do with it? I would try some of the fruit that I always wanted to try but was too expensive to buy, spend lots of time with my boyfriend, family and cat, and spend the time around a campfire. I would go skinny dipping for fun and dance for the last time. I would be sure the last memory of me was one of joy and love, and nothing negative.

Now, think of everything. Why wait for next week to do something you can do today. You never know how short life is, so take advantage of the time you have TODAY. Tomorrow may not come.

I think this blog has been an entire positive though exercise, so I'm not going to re-write what I already have! Remember, there is no better time than the present!

Bacon-like Tofu!

Today has been a little easier, with little pain(although a bit of stiffness). One of the best things I find for stiffness is warm water. I don't have a heat bag or heat pad, so running my hands under the tap with warm water seems to help, or if I hold them in a sink of warm water. Add a little lavender essential oil and you have a pampering, stress and pain removing technique!

I cooked some tofu last night, and although I was a little hesitant about using it in my recipe because of it's spongy texture, I'm happy I used it. I baked sliced tofu for about 20 minutes with some oil, chili flakes and chili pepper. When it was done, I cut the slices up into cubes and tossed it in the frying pan with some bok choy, onion, veggies and soy sauce. I then threw in some cooked rice and some pineapple, lemon juice and a table spoon of teriyaki sauce. When that was mixed together, I spiced it up with curry, chili and mustard powder. It was delicious, and the texture of the tofu was similar to bacon. I will definitely be using tofu again!

Tomorrow looks like it will be a busy day! I'll be getting up early to go hiking with my boyfriend and then be coming home to continue packing. This is my final week to finish packing before the move next week. I should really get to work on it quickly, but I can't pass up the opportunity to go hiking when the sun will be out and the temp will be up to 20 degrees!

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend, I'll try to post a few pictures of the hike!


Oh and I almost forgot, the positive thought for today is . . .

Do something you enjoy. Do it for yourself every day. It is much easier to get through the hard times when you have something positive to turn to or look forward to!

Have a great weekend!

One Of Those Days...

Please pardon the lack of blogging yesterday, it was "one of those days". For those of you with arthritis, you know what those days are like, days where you are in so much pain that you cannot think of anything except how much you hurt, how much it hurts to move and yet there are still things that need to get done.

It was a little odd, because I had had a wonderful, easy going day with very little pain and than out of no where, with little warning, it started. I had been stiff, but when am I not stiff? Supper still needed to be cooked, so I made a simple casserole dish that required very little work then curled up on the couch and waited for my boyfriend to come home. I hadn't eaten since mid-afternoon, but I wasn't hungry. I didn't want to be touched, and my patience was incredibly thin. So I got myself to have a few bites of food, ran a warm bath with some lavender essential oil and sea salt than laid in bed and watched "Hot Fuzz"-a comedy about a cop who goes to a small town.

This morning I had no pain, but the stiffness was still present so I did a few finger exercises. I was fine for far for most of the day, I had even walked home from work, ran some errands and went to the library for a little bit. Tonight I am in pain again, although no where near the amount I was in last night. My hands are very stiff, particularly my right index finger. I've also been noticing that when my hands become stiff, my skin starts to feel dry, and even though it is soft to the touch, it feels like I need to pile moisturizer onto it. Do you experience any skin irritation or changes when your hands become stiff?

Positive thought for the day(I'll make it a good one since I missed yesterday) :

Arthritis didn't develop in a day, and it will not be cured in a day. Every step we take is another step on the ladder that brings us closer to our goal: to live pain free without the help of medication, to have a cure for arthritis.

Getting Old

It's hard to believe that we are half way through May already. June is fast approaching, and with it comes stress, excitement and a little bit of mystery. My boyfriend and I are moving on June 1st, and there is so much left to do! I have just started packing up some plates and glasses that we do not need out right now, but have so much left to do. I'm at a loss as to what to pack next, there is just so much stuff!

June also brings around my twenty-first birthday. I've been having a lot of trouble with aging lately. I know there is nothing I can do to really stop it, and it's a little silly, but I can't help thinking about what my body will be like five, even ten years down the road. There are days when my body creaks and groans at me, days where I feel like I am much older than my soon-to-be twenty years. To be totally honest, it scares me. It makes me wonder how much strength will be in my hands later on in life when I have children of my own. Will I be in too much pain to hold my own children, to carry them into their beds when they have fallen asleep? Will I not have enough strength in my hands to tie their shoes or button their coats(tasks that I already have trouble with on some days)?

I know this kind of negative thinking will not get me anywhere I need to go, but there are days when the voice of doubt is louder than the voice of reason, hope and strength. I know that I have the power to change my thoughts, and that my body is an amazing healer that does not need the assistance of chemicals or drugs. There are people who have cured themselves of cancer and other diseases without medication. Why should arthritis be any different?

Positive thought for today:

The human body is an amazing healer. It can heal itself if given the right materials: healthy food, positive thinking and exercise.

Reflections

There are events in life that cause us to pause and think back on the past, ponder the present and question the future. One of these events almost always trigger this reflection, and that event is death. It is a simple, reoccurring, unstoppable event that we as humans have absolutely no control over. Some of us fight it, others welcome it and then there are those who ignore it.

Today was a day where I stopped and looked into the mirror of my mind, pondered thoughts that have been pushed about my mind multiple times. Today my boyfriend had to put his dog, Brandy, down. She has been ill for a while, and life has finally caught up with her. It still amazes me how much the death of a pet can affect a person. I had several rats a few years ago who had died of seizures while I held them in my hands. The vet couldn't figure out what was wrong with them, and I was left holding each lethargic body until the final spasm took the breath from their lungs. This happened almost three years ago, and I still have moments where I mourn my lost pets. They were my friends, my family, my confidants, my joy.

If I have learned anything from death, it is that it is sometimes inevitable. You can run, you can hide, but you will die someday regardless of what you say or do. It's a harsh realization that makes you stop and wonder what are you doing here, why are you here?

I have no idea why we are here on Earth, but I do have my theories. One of these theories is that we are here to help one another, to learn from one another and to help the Earth and all the creatures who inhabit It's beautiful lands(and seas). This idea of a purpose, regardless of how open to interpretation it may be, provides a small beacon of hope and clarity on days where I think that life is truly pointless. I do believe everything happens for a reason, and death is just another part of life. It is change, which is why we fear it. But why fear what you can embrace? If you cannot avoid it, why not accept it?

On a lighter note, the other ingredient in the sore joint cream that I mentioned in yesterday's blog is cinnamon. So the three main ingredients are cinnamon, black pepper and ginger. I have had very little pain today, but am stiff.

Positive thought for today?

Life is what you make it.

RIP Brandy. You were a wonderful, beautiful dog full of personality. May you be at peace where ever you are.

A New Challenge

I hope everyone had a wonderful Mother's Day. I would have posted but had an unexpected visit to a friend's house, which was pretty nice.

I gave myself a pretty good scare over the weekend. I was curious about the long-term effects of arthritis on the hands, and decided to use Google Images. My mind instantly went into "what if" mode, wondering what would happen if my hands became worse and crippled? Would my boyfriend still let me touch him, or would he be repulsed by my hands? Would I even have functioning hands?

The list of what if's went on and on...I'm realizing(thanks to my boyfriend's Mom) that having a negative outlook only attracts negative energy. How am I supposed to help my body heal when I can only focus on how bad things could get?

So, this weeks challenge for myself is to write one positive thought a day, and to acknowledge and release any negative thoughts. Today's positive statement is:

My body is capable of anything, including healing arthritis.

For the rest of this week, I will be focusing on positive thinking and drawing healthy, happy energy into my life.